


Continuing Life in the Afterlife

by nakadoo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble Sequence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakadoo/pseuds/nakadoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you have nothing to do, you start to think of things you never really put that much thought to before. When you're dead, that's all that's left to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

So this was the afterlife huh?

It wasn’t too bad, he supposed. These were the dream bubbles that Feferi told him about. He always thought it was a load of fish carp—sorry, bullshit stuff that Feferi told him when she was sad and thinking about things like dying and stuff.

Of course he never opposed her about them. It was the only thing he tolerated 100% without any of his sass and disregarding comments. He would let her glub on and on about that since it seemed to put her at ease. Besides, it was like playing make-believe in the bubbles, she said. Or, rather, it was like having a tape of your whole life up until the point where you die and you can watch it over and over again and interact with it. 

He was glad that he listened to her and also glad that what she was spewing wasn’t a load of crap.

He was alone and to be honest, he preferred it that way. He didn’t know how he was supposed to talk to Feferi after what he’d done, even if the Feferi he’d meet in the dream bubble was that of his memory and therefor wouldn’t even know about him killing her.

It was his memory. He could change it at his will. He and Feferi could even be in the quadrant that he’d always wanted them to be in but he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. He was dead and no one would judge him for being selfish since there was no one around to do that anyway but it just felt wrong to him if he did that.

Sometimes he thought about things; about the afterlife. What if there was no such thing as the dream bubbles? Would he cease to exist? Would people refer to him “that guy who went ballistic and killed everyone?” Would anyone even bother to remember him at all? It made him sad, somewhat, but not really. Just a little empty feeling inside of his chest cavity that he couldn’t quite explain.

He wondered if he could feel pain. For the first few days (or was it hours? Months? Who really even knows anymore?) he thought that he was invincible despite being dead. How does one hurt someone who’s already dead, he reasoned but he made a mistake when he went into the salty waters of the sea for a swim and he felt the horrible sting around his waist.

He check what had gone wrong and realized, much to his horror, that the cut Kanaya had made was still there and the only thing keeping him together was his shirt and the thought in his head that he wasn’t going to fall apart if he thought that way.

He stayed away from the sea.

Sometimes, Aradia would visit him, wearing that awful red fairy outfit that kind of looked like Vriska’s and they’d talk. She was pleasant, to say the least, and even with the knowledge that she was a low blood and a land dweller, it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. He thought that maybe he was starting to become a better troll with all that equality and treating others like there was no hemospectrum anymore. 

He told her this and she looked at him a little sadly, patting his shoulder in what seemed to be consolation. She said that it came with being dead. You begin to loose your emotions and that it's a horrible empty feeling that just ate at you until you become a shell of what you once were. She says she’s been there and wouldn’t want it to happen again.

He doesn’t know how to respond to that and fingers the middle of his torso where his body disconnects.

She feels sorry for him, almost enough to pity him but she can’t. She has too many duties now that she’s taken the position of the Maid of Time, being a moderator between all the bubbles and slowly pulling them together.

So he’s left alone, and he doesn’t mind.

He re-watches the memories of the time he and Feferi broke up as moirails and he knows that it’s supposed to be an unpleasant experience but it isn’t. He’s trapped in a limbo between feeling sorry for himself and not feeling sorry at all. It’s frustrating and all he wants to do is shoot and destroy things.

So he does. He shoots at the water, he shoots at the sky. He uses small animals as targets and sometimes huge mountains as well. They’re no match for his god weapon and he should be satisfied and proud of its power but he’s not and it frustrates him more and he just destroys more and more.

One day thought, there is something different. Is that Sollux?

He stares at him, eyebrows raised in confusion and curiosity and slight satisfaction. It’s the first time he’s genuinely felt something and it makes his heart thump against his ribcage harder than it should. He isn’t too sure if he should approach him or not, but the decision is made for him when Sollux charges at him and tackles him to the ground.

“You’ve got two seconds to explain yourself before I maim that ugly ass face of yours,” he snarls, eyes empty and teeth gone. He grabs a fistful of Eridan’s shirt and slams him down on the ground when he doesn’t answer, rage filling his gut and irritation influencing his actions.

“Explain what?” Eridan asks.

“Why did you kill her?”

That, for some reason, strikes a chord in him. He starts to hear her voice in his head, happy and laughing and suddenly she’s screaming at him, telling him he’s and idiot screaming at him screaming, screaming and never ending. He clutches his ears, desperate to will the voices away but he can’t and he shakes in what he supposes is fear. “I-I don’t know,” he stutters out, but apparently that isn’t the answer Sollux is looking for.

Sollux presses on, unrelenting and unwavering. “What do you mean, you don’t know?! SO are you mindlessly killing now? Is that what you’re doing?!”

Eridan shakes his head. “I’m dead,” he offers. “I don’t know.”

“Look, I told you I don't bloody well know why I did it what more do you want from me?” he snarled back, anger filling what used to be empty and he’s glad that Sollux is there to ignite the feeling but he isn’t quite sure if this Sollux is real or a figment of his imagination.

“And besides,” the voices are still roaring in his ear and he thinks he can kind of hear Kanaya’s voice as well, “what does it matter, the reason for which I krilled her? – Kill, sorry. Like it fuckin’ matters anemonere—ANYMORE.” He doesn’t know why the fish puns are slipping out, he only ever used them when he was talking with Feferi and even then it was because he was mocking her and it’s adding to the frustration that he’s feeling. “She’s dead and that’s that.”

He sounds heartless, even to his own ears, and he supposes he is.

That statement seems to sate Sollux. He grumbles unhappily and gets off, dusting off the sand that clung to his clothes. “I guess you’re right,” he says bitterly, staring out to the sea with his empty eye sockets. Though they’re glowing white like how most of the dead are, he can see nothing behind them. He wonders how Sollux is even seeing anything, but maybe that came with the dream bubbles.

He notices in slight disgust that his wound has reopened and his blood was seeping into his shirt and dripping onto the floor. He doesn’t bother to get up from the sand but he closes his eyes and imagines he’s back in his hive, the place he feels the safest.

He can feel the surroundings shift around him and it’s something that he’s already grown used to and he can’t help but let a little smirk inch its way to his lips when he hears Sollux’ surprised “whoa.”

Se stands up in his respite block and walks to his desk where he has a first aid kit. He gets to work, dabbing carefully at the wound and trying his best to clean it up. “Make yourshelf at home, I suppose,” he tells Sollux with a shrug. The yellow-blooded troll makes no reply.

He’s tried before to imagine that he was one piece again because it was such a hassle trying to fix up a bloody corpse. He had encountered a green clad human who bled through his neck before who told him that they were like zombies trying to patch themselves up. He doesn’t know what the hell a zombie is and the human who called himself Dave just told him that Zombies were rotting corpses that could move.

He feels fingers on his back and he tenses. “Water you doin’?”

Sollux stays quiet. “I heard that Kanaya sawed you in half. Didn't believe it up until now,” he explains, rubbing the cut until his fingers dipped into his body, getting coated with the deep royal violet blood.

Eridan lets out a small hiss. “Take’em out,” he instructs, only a small hint of irritation in his voice.

“Do you actually feel pain?” Sollux asks, disregarding the commands. He wiggles his fingers around inside Eridan’s torso and he thinks it feels like gelatin and grub sauce mixed together in a disgustingly weird concoction. “Can you feel pain after you’ve died?”

“Get them out,” Eridan says again, shuddering a bit as the pain courses through his nerves, sending warning messages to his brain, telling him to make the pain stop. “Fuckin’ hurts.”

Sollux finally relents, almost reluctantly slipping his fingers out, and Eridan lets out a relieved sigh. He wiggled his fingers, now coated in violet and sniffs at it, wondering if he could see the world as Terezi does. It smells like old grape Faygo and raisins and a little bit salty and he wonders if it tastes the same. He isn’t going to try it thought because that would be really disgusting and weird. He wipes it on Eridan’s cape.

Irritation. He’s feeling irritation and delight that he’s beginning to feel again. Maybe it was easier for him to remember what it was like to have feelings when there was someone else there to invoke them. Maybe that is why Aradia was gathering them all together into one big dream bubble to create an army of the undead who weren’t emotionless beings.

“Can’t you like, I dunno, heal yourself?” Sollux asks him, a look of skepticism on his face. “Like, isn’t this your dream bubble? Shouldn’t you be able to think that thing away?”

“You don’t think I’ve tried that?” Eridan shoots back and sits down on his computer chair. “It doesn’t work like that. You are how you died an well, this is how I died,” he explained with an indifferent shrug of his shoulders. “Didn’t Fef tell you about this? I mean, the two a you were always on that fucking horn pile glubbin about who knows what…” He feels a pang in his chest and wishes that maybe he could forget that bitter feeling forever. It caused him nothing but pain and anger.

“She tried to explain but my land dweller mind was too tiny to comprehend her high blood intellect,” he snorts back and rolls his eyes (if he had the eyes to roll, anyway). He sits on the pile of wands and kicks some away just because he can.

“Glad you’ve finally come to accept that you’re nothin’ but a stupid low blood,” Eridan replies, his lips quirking upward in a cocky smirk. He liked this feeling.

“Pfft,” Sollux tossed a handful of wands at Eridan’s general direction. “But in all seriousness, I really didn’t understand most of the details. I only got the big picture,” he gestures with his hand what Eridan supposes is a bubble and shrugs.

There is an awkward silence between the two, but it’s only awkward for Sollux because Eridan doesn’t exactly see why it’s supposed to be awkward at all.

“You’re,” Sollux started sheepishly, looking at his feet and flicking away an imaginary dust particle off his knee. “Different.”

“Different?” Eridan echoes. “What do you mean?”

“It’s like when AA died,” he started to explain in a placid and quiet tone. “She slowly started to become a robot… I mean, yeah, she did turn into a robot eventually but I don’t mean physically. Like, she started to forget what it was like to be happy or sad or anything at all. The only reason I didn’t notice it right away is probably because I kept talking to her even after that.” He sighed. “Is this what’s happening to you?”

“Perhaps,” the sea dweller replies, shrugging his shoulders again. “I guess that's what’s happenin to me. What else could it be?”

“Change of heart?” Sollux offers with a smile that looks a little sad.

“Improbable.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thinking never ends; there are so many possibilities.

They come to a mutual understanding that they’re sticking together. Though Sollux is not that pleased with the decision, he stays because he doesn’t want to be alone at the moment (not that he’d ever admit that to Eridan) and all he really wants is company and the knowledge that someone is there with him. There doesn’t really have to be talking, just knowing that Eridan isn't going anywhere makes him relax just a little.

Aradia visited again, a more than pleased look on her face when she saw Sollux there messing around on Eridan’s laptop while Eridan himself just sat in his recooperacoon with all this clothes on. She tells them that she’s glad that they found each other because that’s less work for her and also means that the great meeting will take place just a little bit sooner than expected. Sollux doesn’t know what the great meeting is but he trusts Aradia enough to leave her to do whatever it is she has to do.

He’s a little bit surprised how Aradia talks to Eridan like they’ve been friends for the longest time. She addresses him like how Feferi used to (called him Mr. Grumpy gills and Eridan actually smiled at that) and it’s a little unnerving how their conversation sounds so pleasant when it actually isn’t. He’s pretty sure both parties are aware of that fact.

“I’m glad you found your way into his bubble, Sollux,” She tells him after Eridan tells her that he’s going to doze off for a while. “I’m trying to merge other dream bubbles with this one so he wont be so… Distant anymore.” She holds his hands in hers and squeezes reassuringly (or maybe it was a plea for support?).

“He’s acting like you when you died,” Sollux says plainly, squeezing back Aradia’s hands. She’s probably a little bit stressed with all this Godtier work. “Is he going to become like you? Well, the old you. The you that was dead. Sorry, I guess I’m bad at being subtle.”

“I only became the way I was because I was isolated from everyone else for a long while. They stopped talking to me after I died,” she said, but still with that smile on her face. Sollux likes it better when she smiles though so it’s not a problem at all and he offers her a toothless grin.

“I didn’t stop talking to you,” he corrects. “I kept talking to you everyday after you died.”

“That was only because you felt so guilty about what you did, and lets face it Sollux, you aren’t that good with emotions so learning how to be happy from you is probably a stupid idea,” she giggles.

“Wow AA, that was rude. Even less subtle than I am.”

She lets go of his hand and hovers above him. “Like we were ever elusive to begin with.” She smiles at him one more time and waves her hand. “I’d love to stay and chat, Sollux, but I’ve got things to do!”

“I know you do,” he says, waving back. “Hurry up and get other people in here before Eridan catches my sense of humor.”

She snorts and nods, leaving the bubble in a flash of red.

He looks at Eridan, who is hanging off the lip of his recooperacoon, and sighs. He makes his way over to him and takes of Eridan’s glasses and sets them aside. He wonders what it was like to be loosing his emotions. He supposes he should be thankful that his and Eridan’s bubbles found each other because if they hadn’t, he’d be alone and probably become as apathetic as Aradia was.

He’s feeling kind of 0kay with everything now. Less things irritate him, probably because of the fact that the voices stopped talking to him. He wasn’t even mad at KK because of the flight of stairs episode, and actually pretty thankful because now he can say his name. “Sssssssollux,” he whispers to himself, a quirky little smile on his face as he takes a moment to enjoy his personal amusement.

“Issssss an assssssshole,” Eridan adds, snapping Sollux out of his thoughts. He blinks sleepily and folds his arms over the top of the recooperacoon and rests his chin on his arms, a placid smile on his lips.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Sollux mutters, his cheeks blushing a light shade of mustard-yellow in embarrassment. He shouldn’t feel too embarrassed though, because Eridan isn’t going to mock him about something so petty (at least he hopes he isn’t going to be mocked). “Is there really a point to sleeping if we’re dead?”

“It passes the time,” Eridan shrugs. “What else is there to do?”

“Well, this is my dream bubble now too so maybe I can think of something since it would seem that your thinkpan is a void of creativity and is already rusting,” Sollux responds, closing his eyes and thought of his hive. The surroundings shifted as they did when Eridan first did and the familiar scent of honey and wires filled the air and he suddenly realizes how much he missed his hive.

“Coulda given me a warnin” Eridan complained through gritted teeth as he stood up, brushing off the slime from his clothes. He gave up eventually and imagined them clean and stared around the hive that was nothing like his own. “So this is your place, huh?” he asks, touching the honey coated wall with his fingers. He pulled back and examined the honey on his fingers, rubbing it in between his fingers, sticky and slippery at the same time. “Mind honey?”

“No, regular honey,” Sollux replied nonchalantly. He picked up a spilt container and brought it up to their line of vision, sniffing at its contents before speaking again. “This is mind honey. It’s more of a bright yellow and unlike regular honey, it isn’t clear.” He tossed the container to Eridan who caught it effortlessly.

He sniffed it as well and it smelt tantalizingly sweet and he was almost tempted to dip his fingers in and lick. It looked more like cream than syrup and he set it aside and out of sight. “Does it taste any good?”

“Nothing like you’ve ever tasted before,” Sollux admitted as he made his way to his honeycomb mainframe and examined the damaged that was dealt when he tried to equip a strife specibus. He imagined it when it was fixed and the problem was solved. “Never eat the mind honey, though,” he warns and he’s pretty sure that Eridan’s never going to try it. He didn’t even try the regular honey and the honey his bees make is pretty damn good.

“Never even thought about it.”

“Of course you didn’t.” And he’s teasing, but not really. “Now, you were a douchebag when you were alive—“

“Rude.”

“But you’re less of a douchebag now that you’re dead and kind of stupid with your emotions so it’s easier to tolerate you,” Sollux explains while digging through a box he pulled out of the closet.

“An’ you’re a saint, I can’t believe I didn’t notice your kindness up until this point,” Eridan replies with a scoff, tossing his cape back with a crack and takes residence on Sollux’ swivel chair. It smell a lot like honey and probably sweat and it’s kind of gross and he would normally be repulsed by it but he’s not. “The fuck are you doing?”

He finds what he’s looking for and tosses a blue controller at Eridan and grins. “Ever play Metalslug?” he asks, crouching down to set up his console. “Pretty fun way to pass the time because you just go trigger happy on everyone that crosses your path.” He sits down on a patch of floor that isn’t covered in honey as the game starts. The opening credits go by and he turns his head to face Eridan.

“Never really been the type to play these sorta games if I’m being perfectly honest,” he replies and jabs the X button as the character select menu shows on the screen. “So long as it ain’t one a those games where you have to press a shitload of buttons to do a fuckin’ supercombo because I suck at those.” 

Sollux lets Eridan play with the character sprite for two minutes to get used to it before moving onward with the game. “Naw, we’ll get to those games later when I’ve taught you my skills,” he responds and shoots like crazy at the soldiers trying to kill his character. “Besides, it’s not fun playing against someone who doesn’t know how to play.”

They don’t know how long they’ve been playing but they’ve finished the first three games of Metalslug before Eridan starts rubbing at his eyes from behind his glasses. Sollux pauses the game. “Wanna call quits?”

Eridan sets his controller down on the desk next to Sollux’ keyboard and nods. “I don’t understand how you can look at a fuckin screen for so long without your eyes burnin,” he comments, standing up to stretch his legs that felt heavy and stiff from sitting down for so long. “Probably why you got migraines all the fuckin time.”

“Sure, let’s blame that since I’ve been doing that for most of my life and not because of the screeching voices in my head, yup,” Sollux agrees, putting down his controller as well and turning the console off. “Your observation skills are highly astounding, how do you even come to these conclusions?”

“Oh shut your trap, I get it already,” whined, shoving Sollux lightly on the arm.

“Just making sure that you were aware of that fact,” Sollux smiles. “Anyways, are you gonna sleep? The moons setting soon I guess and I guess we don’t really need sleep but it’s kind of a hard habit to get rid of.”

“Sure,” Eridan shrugs, closing his eyes as he prepares to shift back into the comfort of his own hive but a hand is on his shoulder and it breaks his concentration and he looks at Sollux with raised eyebrows. “What, did you forget your binkie and you’re not ready to leave yet?”

“No, I was thinking that I want to sleep at my hive for once,” he replies and kicks off his shoes. “Considering it’s been a while since I’ve been to my respitebock and I’m feeling pretty nostalgic,” he shrugs and pulls his shirt off, hanging it off the back of his swivel chair. “So you can either walk back to wherever the hell it is your hive is or you can take the other half of my coon.” He points at his recooperacoon, one filled with blue sopor and the other with red.

Eridan ponders for five seconds and shrugs. “Whatever,” he says, pulling his rings off one by one, placing them on Sollux’ computer table because it’s the only table he has.

Sollux is down to his boxers when he gets in the red sopor slime and he hangs off the lip, watching Eridan as he unclips his cape and hangs it on the chair. “So you don’t sleep with your rings on?” he wonders out loud, pulling Feferi’s goggles off his eyes to let it hang around his neck.

“Yeah,” he replies, folding his clothes into a neat pile. “It gets tedious cleanin’ them an I’m not too sure if the sopor ruins the gold,” he shrugs. “I don’t really care anymore if it rusts or not but, yeah, I guess it’s a habit I can’t get rid off right away.” He pulls his glasses off and puts them on top of his shirt before making his way to the other side of the coon, climbing into the blue slime.

“Can’t believe your boxers are stripped too,” Sollux comments with a grin.

“Well, yours are patterned with honeycombs. How lame is that?” Eridan rebutted.

Sollux snickers. “It’s actually pretty cool, I’ll have to admit,” he sinks in the slime till its up to his chin and he sighs. He definitely missed being in his room. Eridan’s snide remarks have sizzled down to kind of adorable rather annoying and he’s decided that he’s okay with having to deal with the Prince of Hope, who doesn’t seem to be too hopeful at all anymore.

Though he is more at ease in his hive than he is at Eridan’s, Sollux is met with insomnia and he thinks. How much longer till other bubbles come into contact with theirs? What if it’s Feferi’s or Kanaya’s? Will they be mad? Will they try to kill him, like what he had done upon their first meeting? What would he do if that were to be the case? Will he side with the girls or defend Eridan?

Well, it didn’t matter. They were all dead, that was that. Fighting will lead to nothing and he’d rather not have to deal with all the screaming and fighting that might happen. He’s Never seen Feferi exceedingly mad and he doesn’t want to any time soon. Neither does he want to see Kanaya like that, she has a chainsaw.

“Hey Eridan,” he asks, but the other is already asleep. He sighs and leans back. He wonders what would have happened if he and Eridan were on good terms while they were alive. How would their session turn out if that was the case?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan hates Sollux' impulses.

Time moves at such an unpredictable way in their bubble, and the two constantly find themselves waking up in the middle of the day much unlike their circadian cycle is used to but they adapt to it easily. The memory of the Alernian sun rises high in the sky and illuminates their world and shows them what they've never seen before (except they’ve actually seen it before in their imaginations but the line between fantasy and reality is a blur so they’re not entirely sure anymore).

They fall into a relaxed sort of schedule, getting used to each others quirks as time goes by. They don’t know when another dream bubble is going to come into contact with theirs and Sollux can swear that whenever he makes the world shift around them without warning Eridan, he sees him tense with what he presumes is anxiety and he starts to think that even though Eridan is more often than not indifferent about most things, he is guilty about what he’s done when they were alive and it make him think that maybe he should have a talk about that with him.

He finds himself a little annoyed when he cant bring the topic up in conversation, often drifting off to a completely different thing altogether. He shows Eridan around his hive, around the little city with its tall buildings. It’s devoid of any other souls and that’s just fine because he rather enjoys the silence and when Eridan prattles on about one thing or another, he can hear him loud and clear without the whispering voices of the soon to be dead.

“So you’re in the center of all this…?” He asks, looking around the tall buildings. He looks particularly interested today and it kind of makes Sollux smile a little fondly to himself.

“Yeah,” he replies with a shrug of his shoulders. “They were building a communal sort of thing you know, kind of like a pack of animals but that didn’t mean we were all too friendly with each other. In fact, they were actually assholes, which is why I stayed in a lot more.” He looks up at one of the buildings, and he cant exactly see it what with his lack of eyes, but he knows its there. It isn’t the method of seeing that he was supposed to learn from Terezi but it must have been just as good. He supposed it was sort of a “minds eye” sort of thing. He felt his surroundings, and since it was partially his dream bubble it was like the images were implanted in his head.

When they were on Eridan’s side of the dream bubble though, there would be times where he didn’t know what exactly was going on. He’s never actually been to the ocean prior to the start of their session and when he felt the salty air whipping at his face and playing with his hair, he realized that he sort of liked it there. Eridan would often find things and place it in his hand and he’d try to guess what it was (it was always a fucking shell but he liked to pretend he didn’t because Eridan always thought it was so amusing).

“What if Ar lived here as well?” Eridan asks, following Sollux as they made their way back to his hive. “An’ Tav too. Do you think they might have been better off if there were other trolls around them instead a livin’ out there?”

“I’m pretty sure Vriska would have still done what she had done, but maybe in a different way. Maybe she’d have made Tav jump of a building or whatever, I don’t fucking know.” He shrugs and pushes a door and slowly makes their accent up the stairs. “Besides, what’s done is done and in the end, I guess it kind of worked out… For AA at least.”

This was looking like an opportunity to tell Eridan that he shouldn’t dwell on what has passed. He tries to formulate a sentence in his head, one that doesn’t sound too stupid or too cheesy. “Hey, ED?” he asks, after a long while of silence and a long set of stairs.

“What’s up, Sol?” he asks, and Sollux could feel him at his side.

“Do you ever think of FF…?” He asks him and when he isn’t met with a reply right away, he turns around and reaches for Eridan’s face, wondering what sort of expression is on his face. Eridan has learned to not care too much about personal space anymore so it made things easier for Sollux.

His lips were turned down in a frown when he usually just holds a straight and indifferent look. Sollux holds his face in one hand and feels Eridan wraps his fingers around his wrist. He doesn’t pull back. “Does it pain you to think about her?”

Eridan shakes his head. 

Sollux uses both hands now and the frown never leaves Eridan’s face. It only grows deeper and he sighs. “Look, we both know that what you did was stupid. Extremely stupid,” he tells him, his thumbs resting on the edges of Eridan’s lips, his fingers burying themselves slightly in the sea dweller’s hair. “I don’t know what exactly made you think that what you were thinking was a good idea, but your intentions weren’t exactly that bad.”

He elaborates but Eridan is still frowning. “But I guess that was sort of your role, you know?”

“Destroyin’ all hope you mean?” he finally replies, but it’s quiet and a little bit upset. His face kind of contorts into a forlorn expression and Sollux rubs his thumbs in little circles in response. “I destroyed the matriorb, Sol. That was our last chance at re-establishing our populace an race and I destroyed it an’ Kan was kind enough to think that I was legitimately goin’ to help her before I did.”

“Shoosh,” Sollux starts, just like how KK did when Gamzee went rogue. “What’s done is done, alright?” he tells him, trying to be reassuring. This is probably the most Eridan has ever felt in a while and Sollux is afraid that he might fall apart, not knowing how to deal with all the emotions rushing through him. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought this up. He shook his head. This is a conversation that they needed to have. “You did what you thought you should do, and it’s pushing the others towards the right direction.”

“Pushin’ them to their doom?” Eridan asks bitterly and Sollux keeps rubbing his thumbs in small circles.

“They met with the humans already,” he explains. “We were meant to die, ED, you, me, FF, KN…” he drifts off for a moment then continues. “Our deaths will lead to their success.”

His lips are still set as a frown but Sollux can feel the muscles underneath his skin relax and maybe he’s feeling a little better about it. “That’s a shitty thing Sol, dyin’ like some sorta martyr but I ain’t really one, I’m just the asshole who had a shitty idea that went wrong.”

“C’mon, grumpy gills,” Sollux laughs and lets go of Eridan’s face, turning around to walk into his respiteblock. “Not all ideas were meant to go well, you should know this since you’re into science and all that,” he says and walks over to the corner of his block where his bees have their giant hive. The bees are talking beenary to him, dancing their cute little dance as a warning because there was an invader, Eridan, looking over his shoulder in curiosity. He snaps his fingers and the fall to the ground, sleeping. “Here, I’ll let you try some of their normal honey. They make the best honey ever.”

Before he can actually pull the honeycombs out of their sticky location, there’s a loud splat and a thud behind him and it takes him two seconds to realize what that was. It gives him a sick feeling but he crouches down and gets on his knees beside where Eridan’s torso fell from his lower half. “…Did you fall?”

A pregnant pause falls between them and Eridan answers back slowly and unsure “…yes?” He’s flat on his stomach, face pressed against the sticky, honey-covered floor. A few articulate seconds later he pushes himself up on his elbows and looks at Sollux like he’s crazy. “Did you really just ask me that?”

“Yes, I did,” he sighs in relief and stands up. Something has to be done about Eridan’s decapitation because if he keeps falling off like that it’s going to be bothersome. “Are you alright though?” he asks, walking over to one of his drawer to rummage for a needle and thread. Eridan isn’t looking at him, he’s pretty sure because the reply sounds muffled and sounds like Eridan was face flat in a puddle of honey.

“Yeah, kinda stings though,” he replies, not moving from his spot at all. His legs have fallen down as well, just a few inches shy from it’s other half. Eridan twitches his fingers and stays where he is, trying to prepare himself for the pain he’s going to have to endure trying to sit up. That can wait. They have all the time in the world. The honey smells great anyway.

He has a thread and needle but no anesthetic or anything that can be a replacement for it. There isn’t much he can do. He grabs an old, thick, flexible wire that used to hold his desktop lamp up and breaks it in half and bends down to pick up an old, thin, blue wire that was no longer in use but was never kept away. He set the items down next to Eridan, still feeling sick but sighed and sucked it up. “Eridan?”

Eridan doesn’t move from his spot, face down. “Mmmwhat?” he asks. “Gonna move me?”

“Not yet, no,” Sollux replies and pulls Eridan’s lower half a little closer to its upper half. He stands up and finally got the honeycombs that he was trying to get earlier and sets it next to Eridan’s head. He pulls out a thin honey covered sheet and pokes the sea dweller with his free hand. “Open your mouth,” he instructs.

Eridan pushes himself up again and does as he’s told without complaint. Sollux puts the honey-covered sheet in his mouth and says “bite down” to which Eridan does. It’s deliciously sweet and incredibly warm and it makes Eridan’s mouth salivate and he sucks up the drool before it escapes his mouth. “This is fuckin’ delicious,” he says through a mouthful of honey.

“Sorry about this,” Sollux says without warning, shoving the two pieces of metal into Eridan’s body, aligning them with his spine. Eridan screeches in pain underneath him but he ignores him and focuses on what he’s doing. He pull’s Eridan’s legs a little closer and pushes the skin back with much disgust but he pushes on. Grabbing the blue wire, he uses it to tie together Eridan’s spine.

The pain is unbearable and if he wasn’t already dead, Eridan is sure that he’d be dead by then. He bites on the honey-covered sheet but its sweet flavor was gone and all he could taste in his mouth was blood and bile and it was making him sick and light headed. He shudders uncontrollably as he feels Sollux’ fingers working carefully between his two halves and he chokes back a sob. “T-take’em out,” he pleads quietly, hand clenched into fist so tight that his knuckles were turning white. “Please.”

Sollux shooshes him quietly, being careful with his work and it takes what feels like hours until he’s finally done. “Almost done,” he assures in a placid tone of voice. His hands are covered in royal violet blood and he wipes it off on his pants before taking the needle and thread, looping the black thread through the tiny needle hole. He sticks it in Eridan’s flesh and he shudders because he feels as if the needle was under his own skin as well as he worked, slowly stitching up the Prince of hope.

“It hurts,” Eridan sobs out, his body tensing as the needle is pulled through his skin. “It’ hurts,” he repeats as he coughs out a little blood. His vision is faltering, focusing and going out of focus as the pain hits the nerve endings of his torso and legs, shooting up his broken spine and sending the signal to his think brain and it hurts so bad. “I hate you,” he hisses out as the needle ceases to stop. “I hate you!!”

He turns him over to sew Eridan’s stomach close, ignoring Eridan’s hisses and curses and sobs as he does so. He’s nearly done and he think’s he has bandages around there somewhere which he will get once he’s done with his task.

Eridan’s glasses are pushed up his face, his arms over his eyes as he stays quiet now, just trying to endure the pain. His face contorts in pain each time he feels the needle, as he feels like the thread is made of sand and he lets out a shuddery breath and a whine as Sollux passes the needle over his navel.

It is with abject horror that Sollux realizes how pitiable Eridan is when he’s like this, how pitiable Eridan was when they first met in the afterlife and he wonders if the reason behind all this was because of the sudden realization of how pale he was feeling for him, or maybe a little redder than that, he isn’t too sure. All he knows is he wants Eridan to feel better, even if it was him who was the cause of his current pain. He shooshes Eridan as he knots the last stitch, using his sharp claw to cut the thread off. He sets the needle aside and waits for Eridan’s sniffles and sobs to subside before he makes a next move.

It hurts, it stings. There is a dull pain all around his torso and it’s affecting his train of though and everything just hurts right now and he just wants it all to stop. He knows the needle is gone but he can feel each and every pin prick on his skin and he can feel the way his blood oozes out his body through the cut and it’s only going to stop bleeding if he stops thinking that he’s actually alive and has the blood to expend but its proving to be really hard when all he can think about is the pain.

Eridan is still catching his breath so Sollux stands up to go fetch the bandages. He finds them in the corner of his closet in an old first aid kit that he never used and it’s practically empty anyway, its only contents were the bandages and a couple of pills that he used to take for his migraines. He comes back and Eridan’s hands are splayed either side of him. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a f-fuckin’ pin cushion,” he stutters, but it looks like he’s going to be okay and a wave of relief washes over Sollux like a wave. “Coulda wwarned me,” he coughed, pushing himself up carefully so that he was sitting, using his arms as support. His face is stained with tears and honey and Sollux can’t help but smile just a little bit.

“You were crying like a grub,” Sollux tells him jokingly, kneeling down next to him as he pulled the plastic around the bandages. “Shirt up,” he instructs and Eridan does as he’s told and lifts his shirt up, inspecting what happened to him. Sollux reaches over and starts to wrap the bandage around him, tightly dressing up the violet gash. He works quietly and carefully, and when the ordeal is finally over, he looks at Eridan with an almost apologetic look. “Impulse,” he explains.

Eridan puts his shirt back down and gently pats his stomach. He winces and sighs, trying to stand up but he doesn’t quite have control over his legs just yet. Sollux helps him to the wall so he can lean back against it and he’s thankful but says nothing (because he’s pretty sure Sollux know’s he’s thankful anyway). “I hate your impulses,” he responds. “They’re pretty sucky.”

“I hate them too,” Sollux replies, with a small smile before pressing his lips to Eridans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.... don't know what I'm doing but I think the next chapter might have smut. I don't know what I'm doing ahhhh.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux can be really embarrassing sometimes.

They’re not exactly sure what they are anymore but it doesn’t make them feel uneasy or uncomfortable and awkward when they’re with each other. The contrary, in fact, they seemed to have hurdled some sort of bridge they didn’t know was there together and it gave both them a kind of contented feeling they didn’t know they needed.

“Beachsides,” Eridan had told Sollux after discussing, “we’re dead anyway an’ we’ve got all the time to think aboat this shit. We don’t gotta rush anyfin, Sol, we ain’t goin’ nowhere,” and it was at that moment that Sollux realized that maybe Eridan used fishpuns as some sort of defense mechanism or something. Or maybe when he was nervous or unsure. Or maybe when he was just really fucking happy.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sollux replies with a small smile playing at his lips. “Never thought something like this would happen though,” he tells him, from his position on the floor of Eridan’s hive, trying to plan out the hive in his head to give him a sort of mental map until he could memorize each and every inch. “Or should I say somefin? Ehehehe.”

“Hey, are you teasin’ me or somefin—Something?” he says, looking up from his book and turning around on his swivel chair to face Sollux. His face is slightly flushed in embarrassment and he feels a little bit self-conscious. 

“Do I smell freshly fermented wine?” Sollux really does smell it, the sweetness in the air with a slight tang of bitter sophistication. Is this what it feels like for Terezi when she says Karkat smells like cough syrup or something? It was an entirely new experience all together and it was almost a little better than seeing. He sits up and leans on his elbows, head turned towards Eridan’s direction, with his eyebrows raised high and his lips upturned in a fond smile.

There’s slight hesitation before Eriadan replies with a “what the fuck, Sol.”

“What?” He asks a little uncertainly, but amused.

“Was that an attempt at being flirty or…???” he leans back against his chair and his face turns just a shade darker than it already was. “Fuck Sol that was really fuckin’ uncool an’ lame an’ I hope you realize how horrible that line was,” he tells him, twiddling his thumbs in awkward circles.

“Aww,” Sollux replies, his smile softening to an affectionate look. “Am I embarrassing you?”

“Yes,” he says bluntly and doesn’t bother to hide that face because why bother? Might as well be honest and he’s always been brutally honest anyway to begin with, why should he bother when he’s already change so much? If there was one thing that he’d like to keep out of all his traits it would be his honesty about his opinions.

“That’s cute,” Sollux informs him, equally blunt and highly amused because he’s never seen Eridan cute before (well, technically he’s not seeing but experiencing). Actually, he can count on his fingers the number of facial expressions he’s seen on Eridan and lets face it, the sea dweller wears his heart on his sleeve so it was so predictable to know what he was feeling even without eyesight. This is new. “Come here.”

“What?” Eridan asks, a tone of absolute confusion laced in his voice. Maybe a little nervousness? Sollux thinks he can smell clammy hands (that sounded completely gross, but who even gives a fuck? He sends his kudos’ to Terezi and takes back every mocking thing he’s ever said to her regarding her sense of “seeing”) and yes, he is nervous. “Is your think pan all there, Sol or did you finally lose it like me?”  
“Lose what?” Sollux asks in turn, standing up and walking towards Eridan. “I don’t think I have anything left to lose, to be honest.”

Eridan sits put, and tries to maintain eye contact with him but it unsettles him seeing the empty eye sockets where his eyes used to be. There are no eyes to keep eye contact and even if his dual colored eyes were still where they were supposed to be, he is pretty sure that he’ll throw up but he’s not exactly sure why (if he knew any better, he’d know it would be the guilt for blinding him in the first place for such a stupid reason). “I dunno, your right sense a mind maybe because that is the most ludicrous idea I’ve heard in a long while, I think, and that’s coming from me who's had a lot of really ridiculous ideas an’ it all started when me an Vris were kismesises.”

“Eridan,” Sollux starts and spins Eridan’s swivel chair twice before stopping him so that they could see eye to eye… socket. Whatever. He raises he eyebrows and waits for Eridan to stop talking but he doesn’t.

“I dunno, I guess I just wanted her to think I was cool or somefin, you know? Like how Dualscar was the fuckin’ epitome a cool kinda cool but it’s kinda hard when you don’t got the devices to do that an’ all you’ve got is like, a fuckin’ god weapon which is a real good weapon but still not intimidatin’ enough. I mean, I’m still just a kid, I don’t think anyone is going to take me as seriously as I’d like them to,” Eridan rambles on, twiddling his fingers, picking at his scarf, anything to keep his hands occupied. 

“You’re rambling,” Sollux informs before leaning down and pressing his lips against Eridan’s just as he had done days ago (or was it a few minutes ago?) with his hands on either side of the sea dwellers face, gently cradling his head in his hands. He lets his tongue protrude out in between his lips, licking at Eridan’s lightly. He can feel the heat collect where his hands are touching his skin and it makes his blood pusher beat a little faster.

When he feels Eridan’s lips part ever so slightly, he seizes the opportunity and slips his tongue into Eridan’s mouth, his hand tangling in his hair as he tries to pull him closer. They’re at an awkward position but he doesn’t particularly care. He rests a knee on the swivel chair, in between Eridan’s thighs and he blushes as Eridan’s tentative tongue brushes against his and he lets out a quiet groan.

Eridan doesn’t know where his hands should go. Before the game had ever started, he and Karkat would watch movies together (technically together at least, they watched at the same time and IM’ed each other when shit happened. It was funny when Kar was denying his tears haha, that was a good memory) and though he has seen makeouts, he didn’t know how unnatural it would feel to him. Isn’t this the part where he wraps his arms around Sollux’ neck to pull him closer? Should he be doing that now? Sollux is still sucking lightly at his tongue and a quiet irrepressible moan let itself be heard and he blushes more than he thought he was capable of doing. His face was really hot.

He is awkward, Sollux can tell that much. He isn’t really reciprocating his kiss, or maybe he’s letting him take the lead. He’s not sure. He and Aradia had experimented sloppy makeouts when they had just gotten together as matesprits. It was really awkward at first, awkward hand movements, gnashing of teeth against each other when they both tilted their heads in the same direction. They laughed it off most of the time and he hope that maybe he and Eridan could be a little something like that.

He pulls away from Eridan and rests his forehead against his and takes a deep breath. He moves his hands from Eridan’s hair to his face and he can still feel the flustered heat of his face and he can imagine Eridan’s face hot flushed that royal violet blood of his and it makes him long to actually see it. He’ll settle with his imagination as of now, since there wasn’t really much he could do about it anyway. “Was that your first kiss?”

“No.” He blushes more and there is a slight twitch to the fins on either side of his face. Technically, no, that was not his first kiss. Feferi used to kiss him on the cheek when they were younger and the perfect image of moirails, and during his times with Vriska they experimented with black kisses that usually lead to cussing and swearing and laughing at each other for being so shitty at it.

This was his first kiss, and it was so tender and a little bit one sided (in defense, he thinks to himself, he doesn’t exactly know how it works), and he thinks that he wishes he could reciprocate it properly but how do you learn how to kiss anyway? Was it natural instinct? Maybe he’s just stupid at this pity thing. Maybe that’s why Fef broke up with him? Because he wasn’t good at pity? He’s not sure.

Sollux chuckles and pulls him out of his chair, leading him to somewhere where they can sit properly and comfortably next to each other.

Over the days that had passed they managed to create something that was something similar to what humans would call a bed, but not really. They lugged in some sand and leaves and whatever they considered soft and pilled it up in one of the corners of Eridan’s recuperacoon and topped it off with a couple of Eridan’s old capes (“you can appear-ify more of your shitty capes later okay, stop complaining and hand me another”). It wasn’t really much but it was comfier than the floor.

“That was your first kiss,” Sollux tells him like he knows it, and he really does. It’s obvious in his body language and the way his voice is kind of indignant but still a little hesitant. Then it dawns on him that first kisses are kind of a big deal and he blushes at the realization that he was Eridan’s first actual kiss and it also makes him pity Eridan just a little bit more that he’s never got to experience a first kiss when they were still alive. “That was your first kiss,” he repeats slowly like he’s not too sure anymore.

“Okay, fine!” Eridan says, huffing and blushing, fins flaring out in embarrassment and indignation cheeks still staying violet. “Yes, you’re right, that was my first kiss okay, you don’t gotta tell me twice,” he grumbles in flustered frustration and folds his hands over his chest and leans against the wall. His fins don’t retract anytime soon, though he wills with all his might for them to do so.

“Hey, hey,” Sollux says soothingly, a gentle smile encompassing his features. “I wasn’t being mocking or anything, sorry if it seemed that way I guess, but I really didn’t mean it like that,” he explains, putting his arm around the sea dwellers shoulders. His hand brushes against the flared out fin and his eyebrows rise in question but he doesn’t say anything… yet. “Look, if it makes you feel any better that was technically my second real kiss ever?”

These words seem to sooth Eridan, but his fins still stick out of his face like a sore thumb and he turns his head to Sollux’ direction and the glare on his face softens. “Shoulda known it was the second. You and twos,” and the glare is replaced with the same indifferent look he usually wears. “So, iffin you don’t mind me askin’, who was your first? Like, if it isn’t a too personal thing of me to ask.” He is slightly curious as to who it is, and he thinks that maybe it was Feferi and he feels a burning sensation at the pit of his stomach and he kind of just wants to claw at something to ease his frustrations because what was he feeling? Jealousy? He’s slightly upset that the majority of the feelings he’s beginning to remember are negative. Why can’t he ever have nice feelings?

“It was AA, if that wasn’t obvious enough,” Sollux says with a shrug. Typically, he’d be squeamish about sharing this kind of information, especially since Eridan wasn’t exactly his moirail (but maybe his flushcrush? Fuck, how do you feelings, Sollux will never know) but he’s dead, Eridan doesn’t really care so why should he. “Our first kiss was awkward and stupid and well, I guess it was pretty nice as well. I don’t know, we were kids and shit, I mean, we’re still kids now but I kinda feel like we’re not kids anymore because we had all these shitty responsibilities handed to us on a silver food plateau.” 

“Not Fef?” Eridan asks after a considerably long moment of pensive silence and he sounds sounds relieved. He feels like the weight of jealousy in his stomach drop and he breaths a little better and he can almost swear that his lips are upturned in a smile. He’s not sure, he doesn’t care really. Or does he? It was confusing but the frustration is ebbing away and he leans against Sollux’ arm.

“No, not FF,” he confirms and now its Sollux’ turn to feel like Feferi’s name coming from Eridan in such a hopeful tone makes him frown just a little bit. He shouldn’t be unhappy tough, because he’s okay with a lot of things now and trivial matters such as past relationships with one girl or another shouldn’t be something he should bear in mind. No, this was the after life and, as such, he should leave what he had when he was alive and make do with what he had now.

Not that that was going to be a difficult task to do, seeing as he legitimately was liking his company as of the moment. But he contemplates; did he really enjoy his company or was it merely because there was no one else but him around? Then again, Sollux has always been cooped up in his hive, basically isolated from majority of the troll society and if he really didn’t like Eridan he would have left him by now, right? “Do you like FF that much?” he asks Eridan curiously. 

“C’mon Sol,” Eridan says a little abashedly, twiddling his thumbs and picking little puffballs from his scarf. “Is that really a question you gotta ask about? I thought it was painfully obvious, the fact that I like Fef I mean, why the hell do you think I tried to fight you on LOBAF?” He isn’t maintaining eye contact anymore, instead finding his nails more interesting than Sollux’ face, but really it was out of embarrassment.

“Uh,” Sollux says smartly. “No, I guess what I meant to ask is if you still like her to that same extent, even if you’re kind of dead?”

“I dunno,” Eridan says after a few moments of silent contemplation. What he feels for her isn’t what he used to. It’s not that same loving feeling that took over his mind at the time; the feeling that rotted and turned to hate towards Sollux. No, what he felt now was guilt and grief for having killed the one who gave him hope, the one he thought he could trust with his all, her who he though would love him back. It’s a bitter feeling and he doesn’t realize he’s clenching his fists so hard he’s bleeding until Sollux puts his hands over his.

“Whoa, calm down,” Sollux tells him, pushing Eridan’s fingers open to examine the damage he inflicted upon himself. “Look, you’re already damaged goods so stop trying to make yourself more pitiable than you already are,” he tries to look at the cuts but he cant really see or determine how deep they are. “Is it really bothering you that much?”

Eridan contemplates while Sollux cleans his hand. “I’m not sure anymore, an’ I’m startin’ to think that all I’ve done thus far has all been for naught,” he says a little bitterly, the scowl on his face growing deeper.

“What do you mean?” Sollux asks, using some of the left over bandages to dress up the wound.

“You were there when it happened,” Eridan starts with a small sigh. “I offered my hand for her so she could join me join Jack but I’m startin’ to realize why she fuckin’ flipped her shit,” he sighed, taking his lower lip in between his teeth, worrying it. “Some—“ he choked on his words but continued to speak. “Some prince of hope I turned out to be,” he spat, feeling hot bitter tears gathering behind his eyelids.

“Aww, don’t say that,” Sollux says, bringing Eridan’s hand to his lips. “Don’t be like that, it was what you were meant to do,” he reassured the other, trying to calm him down before any tears were shed. “C’mon, Eridan, don’t cry.” 

“W-why the fuck w-was I given that stupid title,” he finally sobbed out, bringing his arm to his eyes to wipe away his tears. He pushed his glasses away from his face kept muttering and babbling incoherently. “I’m so sorry,” he chokes out, finally pulling his arms away from his face to look at Sollux except he couldn’t because he couldn’t bare to look at him because it only reminded him of how red Feferi was for him and how angry and betrayed he felt and yet, it wasn’t her fault. 

He was monopolizing her and he realizes with abject horror that it was a horrible thing that he did. How dare he think that he could have her as his own? He was lower than her on the hemospectrum, he had no right to think that anything between them could work. But the fucking hemospectrum didn’t matter anymore anyways. He’d never be worthy; he’ll never be fit to be the prince to protect the heiress. He fucked everything up.

And its horrible how it all crashes down on him in one sitting, feelings and thoughts that he should have had before he died and before he even talked shit about Sollux who was more a prince than he was. Maybe then things would have turned out well; maybe he and Sollux would have been friends.

Maybe they’d all still be alive.

“Eridan, shut the fuck up,” Sollux snarls at him, feeling a little more than upset at the useless regret that Eridan was spewing out. “Look, I don’t even know why you’re only realizing this shit now and I’m sorry to say Eridan but, yes, suggesting to join Jack was the shittiest idea I’ve ever had to hear and process because that would be a fucking suicide mission with no benefits whatsoever,” he said in a forced manner, trying his best to keep his tone calm and not scathing but it was hard.

But when he takes a look at Eridan’s face, so sad and upset with himself, it helps him calm down and his features soften and he pulls Eridan into a hug. “Look, didn’t we already talk about this?” he says calmly, rubbing small circles onto the sea dwellers back. “It was your role, you were meant to do what you did.”

“What if I didn’t want to do it?” Eridan mutters back. “What if I just.. I just wanted Fef to like me again..”

“How about,” Sollux says, pulling back to stare at Eridan’s face, tear-stained and blotchy and blushing, smiling fondly. “How about you settle with me liking you..” he says and he’s a little bit embarrassed at how corny he sounds but he doesn't care enough to take it back. “How about you settle with me being incredibly and stupidly red for you?”


	5. Chapter 5

At first he resented the thought of being nothing.

It irked him to no end, he never felt like anything he was doing was worthwhile until he met her, the future Heiress to the throne. He just knew that if he were to get on her good side, she’d make something of him once she takes her rightful place.

What he wasn't expecting was the fact that he began to manifest feelings more that just sneaky theatrics and carefully placed words. He never expected that he’d let his guard down and actually feel something for her, something that made his blood-pusher ache at the though of her being with anyone else rather than himself.

He was always a greedy person to begin with.

And he never questioned himself; he was always right.

So he was astounded, taken aback, when she broke it off, everything off. Had he meant nothing to her? Did his original plan backfire on him? Was she really as condescending as he always thought she was?

The world he was presented with, at least, gave him some sort of solace. It was bright and quiet, save for the heavenly voices he heard from above.

Such beautiful creatures.

Though he’s learned his lesson quite well by now; anything that beautiful was bound to be up to no good. Out to get him, he was for sure. Why else would they be there? This was a game, and he just needed to let off some steam, to feel the recoil and the sheer adrenaline he always felt whenever he pulled the trigger to his beloved gun.

Darling thing she is, his weapon. The only thing he can trust nowadays.

When all was ended, and they were stuck in some sort of limbo (he was surprised they all managed to make it that far, to be honest, and his blood-pusher gave a little jump when he saw her standing there with that big smile on her face that gave anyone who saw it the feeling of safety and reassurance), he thought that maybe he could patch things up with her. They were the only sea dwellers left and he supposed that it was their rightful duty to make sure the future of the sea dwellers were set in stone.

But it didn’t work out. He really thought it would work out.

(He didn't think he had it in him to kill her, either, but there she lay with her rich fuchsia blood pooling around her. She looked morbidly beautiful).

 

He hated when he remembered things. It gave him headaches and chills and he just never really felt right after waking up.

At first he resented the thought of being nothing, but quite frankly he was beginning to think that being nothing was fine because in the end, everyone will be nothing. At some point in time, no one will remember he or his comrades even existed. That gave him some sort of contentment, some sort of comfort at the fact that maybe he was nothing from the very start.

“Hey.”

But lately, he’s been feeling like he’s been lying to himself. But why in the world would he do that? He never liked of the idea of being dishonest with yourself, because really, what good would come out of that?

So why in the world was he feeling like there was a vice grip on his chest cavity whenever he saw him? Why was it that he felt like the air was being sucked out of him each and every time he heard those three stupid fucking words?

“Hey… Are you even listening to me?”

It confuses him. He’s pretty sure that he’s never felt like that before.

Felt? Feel… Was he feeling again? He didn’t think it possible. No. It couldn’t be.

“Eridan? Are you alright?”

Eridan snapped his head to the side, only just realizing that there was someone beside him. This inner turmoil of his started when this asshole came about. He thought he was content. He thought he was happy (or, at least, something that could be considered as happy?) being alone and quiet and not remembered. “I can’t breathe,” he wheezed out, his throat choking up as if there was something blocking his windpipe. 

Sollux panicked slightly, letting his hands reach for the other’s face. He papped him, gently and cooed, instructing him to breath in and out in and out in and out.

He tried his best to listen to his words and soon enough, he had calmed down.

The yellow-blood cradled the other troll, pulling him onto his lap as his arms wrapped around his waist. “Fuck, ED, you really have to stop doing that,” he whispers against his shoulder, his hands gently rubbing at Eridan’s sides. “Did you forget how to breathe?” he teases, but there still is a tinge of worry laced in his voice.

“No,” he answers back simply.

“Is everything alright?” Sollux asked, trying to coax an answer out of him. These tiny panic attacks have been happening more often now, and he was never really one that knew what to do in regards to other people’s well being. “C’mon, you have to talk to me.”

Eridan never does. He just stays there on his lap, like he always does after one of his little episodes, and lets the other coo at him gently and whisper things he’d never thought were applicable to him.

Sollux sighed but as he was about to say something again, the surroundings around them changed and both boys leapt to their feet to take on a more defensive posture.

This was a place neither of them were familiar with. It was a little cove, shaded from the heat of the blistering sun of Alternia, far off from the shores that Eridan was familiar with. He surveyed the area, looking for some sort of clue as to where they might be.

“We must have bumped into someone else’ dream bubble,” Sollux said quietly, reaching out for Eridan’s arm before he got too far away. “Look familiar to you? Where are we?”

“By the ocean,” he replies. “Not sure where though.. I’ve never been here before.”

There was a splash at the shore, catching both of their attentions but it was only Eridan who stared, slacked jawed, at the one who had caused it.

“Fef…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the painfully long delay, but I tried and I'm really sorry. It's pretty short too but I hope you still enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> Crap title and crap summary. I've never been good at those.
> 
> This is a multi-chap but I don't know how to edit the details D:


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